THURSDAY, DECEMBER 24
Nothing says Christmas like "Chinese food buffet," and if you book a slot at Voicebox karaoke for Christmas Eve, you'll have complete access to all the free kung pao and chow mein you can shove down your throat in between singing your heart out in their private karaoke rooms. MS
Voicebox, 2112 NW Hoyt, 4-11 pm, voiceboxpdx.com
While you might not immediately associate Michael Jackson with Christmas (The Jackson 5 Christmas Album notwithstanding), 2009 will always be associated with his death and the re-embracing of his catalog. Spend all night drinking and dancing at A Michael Jackson Christmas tonight—good to get some practice in before New Year's Eve. MS
Mt. Tabor Theater Lounge, 4811 SE Hawthorne, 10 pm, FREE
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 25
Before the season tipped off, the Portland Trail Blazers and Denver Nuggets were poised to be division rivals battling for playoff position. But now the Nuggets are firmly resting in first place while the Blazers are spending more time on the operation table than the hardwood floor. Regardless, when these two teams meet, the stakes are higher than the majestic hair of Chris "Birdman" Andersen. EAC
Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct, 7:30 pm, $35-225, broadcast on KGW & ESPN
Sick of your relatives already? Ditch 'em (or bring 'em!) and shake your ass at the Fez Ballroom's Feztivus. DJ Gregarious, roller-skating elves, and bad Christmas sweaters are standard, but the eggnog toboggan promises so much more. PAC
Fez Ballroom, 316 SW 11th, 9 pm, $5 ($2 w/bad sweater or Snuggie)
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 26
Okay, the big holiday's over. Phew! No more Christmas carols for at least 10 months. It's time to blow out your eardrums with some righteously heavy rock courtesy of Red Fang, whose stonerific metal will make you forget all about mangers and midnight clears. NL
w/Witch Mountain, the Black Budget; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $10
December 26 is known as Boxing Day in Britain; celebrate by watching three British film noir movies and cutting the first spiv who chats up your bird. Get into the holiday spirit by watching Brighton Rock, The Fallen Idol, and Peeping Tom at the Best of Brit Noir series. DB
NW Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park, $8 each
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 27
The week between Christmas and New Year's was made for slumming, Dude style. Take some tips from The Big Lebowski: drive around, maybe bowl a little, and—oh yeah—make time for the White Russians served at every Lebowski screening, playing this week at the Clinton. SM
Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 7 & 9:15 pm, $6.
The only monthly variety show for the shorty set, You Who offers parents a nice respite from that rapping Elmo doll Santa put under the tree. The kiddies will love the "maraca-making zone" and ensuing live performance from the impromptu PMP (Portland Maraca Project), while you'll love a set from Blue Giant and the fact the Kennedy School serves booze. EAC
w/DJ Anjali; Kennedy School, 5736 NE 33rd, noon, $10 (adults), $5 (kids 12 & under), all ages
MONDAY, DECEMBER 28
You know what? It is a wonderful life! All you need to remind you of that is Clarence the Angel, a despondent Jimmy Stewart, and delicious desserts from the fine folks at Pix. Well, the desserts may do more for you than the film It's a Wonderful Life, but still.... PAC
Pix Patisserie North, 3901 N Williams, 8:30 pm, FREE
The most brilliantly paired double-feature movie night in town is always at Boxxes—and tonight is no different! Check out Strange Days, wherein ex-cop Ralph Fiennes uncovers a police conspiracy in futuristic 1999, as well as Class of 1999 where robot teachers take over a rowdy high school! It's the 1999-iest! WSH
Boxxes, 1035 SW Stark, Strange Days at 8:30 pm, Class of 1999 at 10:30 pm, FREE, 21+
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 29
Lovers of mid-century lifestyle and kitsch will get a kick out of Charles Phoenix's Retro Holiday Slide Show—a comedic look at how America celebrated Christmas via his humongous collection of found Kodachrome slides! Bring along your parents so they can say, "What's so funny?" WSH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7 pm, $15
What was the name of Aragorn's sword? ANDÚRIL, BITCHES! What kind of armor does Boba Fett wear? OH, YOU KNOW IT'S MANDALORIAN! YOU KNOW IT! Who was the original captain of the starship Enterprise? CHRISTOPHER PIKE, MOTHEREFFERS! Tonight, comics retailer Things from Another World presents Geek Trivia Night—during which you and your geeky brethren can (A) get drunk, and (B) show off how well you can quote The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Your time has come. EH
Vendetta, 4306 N Williams, 7 pm, FREE
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 30
You're not going to want to miss Holidang, the funnest party this side of New Year's. They've got an assortment of incredible musical acts, like Typhoon, Black Whales, Loch Lomond's Ritchie Young, and Seattle's everlovingly, undeniably fun BOAT. And cover is totally free, but you can make donations to a very worthy cause—MS research—and the Riot Act DJ Wrecking Crew will be in the house to make sure the party don't drop! NL
Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 8 pm, FREE
It's been a whirlwind year for the Portland Trail Blazers : a return to the playoffs, exciting new faces, broken hearts, and of course broken kneecaps. Tonight, bid farewell to one of the most interesting years in franchise history as the Blazers take on that other Los Angeles team, the Clippers. EAC
Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct, 7 pm, $9-150
