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Good morning, Portland! The biggest Burger Week ever begins next week, and the social media monarchs are dictating that editorial MAKE SURE to space out editorial posts so that there aren't just ONE MILLION BURGERS EVERYWHERE in our feeds. And I bet most of you are like: Yes, gimme the burgers; I will read the reporting while noshing on a big juicy b (burger). I am honestly rather grateful for all this.

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• A small boat fire on the Willamette River kicked off a lot of smoke yesterday afternoon, just below the Hawthorne Bridge and before rush hour, causing plenty of people to ask "ew, what is that smell?" Answer: It was a small boat en fuego. And then the Portland Spirit put it out—she's not just for dining cruises; she's also a good neighbor. 

• Remember when Portland City Commissioners complained that ranked choice voting was too confusing and probably too complicated for voters to understand? OPB reports that "the Portland Votes 2024 Grant Program has awarded $210,000 to 11 different organizations to support education efforts" abut the process. 

• Speaking of math, if pure math were being taken into account, regarding the Summer Olympics Women's floor routine competition, than maybe Oregon-born gymnast Jordan Chiles would have a bronze medal. She originally finished fifth, but US coaches submitted an inquiry to review the athlete's performance, which resulted in an addition of 0.1 points to her score. This should have shifted her into the bronze medal spot, but the Court of Arbitration for Sport said all the complaints and changes came too late and the bronze medal will stay with the Romanian gymnast to which it was originally awarded. Chiles posted a statement on Instagram, expressing gratitude to her supporters and heartbreak at the decision. Adding insult to injury, Chiles also described receiving "racially driven attacks," on social media, in response to the news. "I've poured my heart and soul into this sport and I am so proud to represent my culture and my country," she wrote. 

• The Oregonian reports that gun advocacy groups, Oregon Firearms Federation and the Firearms Policy Coalition Inc, are asking US District Judge Adrienne Nelson to block the voter-approved state ghost gun ban from going into effect in September. The attorney representing them Stephen Duvernay argued that requiring Oregonians to put serial numbers on their homemade guns or gun parts was impractical. I mean, it's not like making ghost guns is even easy, so are we supposed to go easy on these craftspeople because making their secret guns is so difficult? I don't follow.

• Bike Portland noted yesterday that the new Burnside Bridge design won't connect to the Eastbank Esplanade.

• After four glorious years of Anis Mojgani as Oregon Poet Laureate, Gov Tina Kotek has named Bend poet Ellen Waterston to the post. Waterson has published four poetry collections, but also three literary nonfiction books, including Walking the High Desert: Encounters with Rural America Along the Oregon Desert Trail, in 2020. 

• Imagine writing enthusiastically abut Dane Cook. Here's some upcoming live shows you can actually get excited about, compiled by our EverOut calendar team.

IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• MUCH WAS MADE of the speech Sean O'Brien—president of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters—made at the Republican National Convention last month. This morning, NPR would like to remind everyone that executive orders former president Donald Trump signed, in 2018, "decimated the power" of federal employee unions.

• Something interesting for the media savvy, Axios found that advertisements on Google search results are making articles from news organizations like Associated Press, CBS News, and the Guardian appear to carry  headlines supporting presidential nominee and current VP Kamala Harris. The ads link to real stories about Harris, on those respective sites, but rewrite the headline for the purposes of their ad. It's very TRICKSY, and some journalism ethicists DON'T LIKE IT. Personally, it seems like it could interfere with public trust, so I agree, but with so many caveats as to make my opinion utterly uninteresting here.

• ICYMI, how could I have failed to click on something titled "Do Western Lichens Need Federal Protections?" I am immediately onboard with this. (What are lichens and do they need my house because... maybe?) This article is actually by former Mercury reporter Nathan Gilles, who brought us the still relevant "The First Four Minutes: A Timeline of Portland's Upcoming Cataclysmic Quake" in 2012.

• For anyone who was wondering, Jimin's "Who" is basically Ace of Base's "I Saw the Sign."

• In conclusion, the people need a thicc slicc lizard in these times.

@cartervailmusic Where my thick lizards at? #godzilla #reptiles #funnysong ♬ original sound - Carter Vail