“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself, but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” —Sun Tzu, The Art of War
This is a crossroads season for our beloved boys in red and black.
Coming off a surprising seven seed playoff run by winning the Western Conference Play-In Tournament this past April, the Portland Trail Blazers ran into the 7’4” French buzzsaw of the San Antonio Spurs in the first round of the playoffs. Now there’s a few new faces that give our team a boost in talent, but leave us with questions about how a team made up of small guards and one lumbering giant center will fit together. Off the court, Portland is host to a real estate grift city budgeting drama that continues to play out, after the Blazers were bought by used car salesman big-brain business genius Tom Dundon.
While Dundon has issued veiled threats to move our beloved team (though recently insisting he’s “working” on keeping them here), he has presented fans with a unifying cause—a common enemy. It’s a dynamic that all sports teams who are worth a damn possess. Just ask what New Yorkers think of their owner, frontman for JD & the Straight Shot and surveillance state billionaire James Dolan, after the Knicks won the NBA Finals last season.
Like our subprime auto loan guru owner, us business geniuses here at the Portland Mercury take Sun Tzu’s The Art of War very seriously. The Blazers enemies are many, some far away (those damn Los Angeles Lakers), some as close as our owner’s box. So approaching Dundon’s first full season as owner of the team, Blazer fans should embrace his money-making mindset (only with the goal to win games)! There is no better way to build synergy and analyze the strategic orientation for a new basketball season than in explicitly corporate terms like the almighty SWOT analysis (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats). So we present to you, our fellow business baddies, a synergistic, growth-focused analysis for the 2026-2027 NBA Season.
Strengths
The Blazers maintain the roster of a middle-of-the-pack Western Conference team. They are led by wing Deni Avdija, the Blazers first All-Star since Dad Damian Lillard went out for a pack of cigarettes. Last season, Portland really struggled in creating half-court offense without a true point guard or significant three-point shooting threats. This meant a lot of Avdija putting his head down, dribbling hard right, and hoping to get fouled attacking the hoop. The answer this year? Well, Dad Dame actually did come back. Sure it’s three years later, he’s coming off a potentially career altering injury, and a shiny new 2024 NBA Cup championship ring he got in Milwaukee… but let’s be real, Dame’s Odyssey might have humbled him. Even if the spring in his step might be knocked down a half-notch, and your mileage may vary on his brand of leadership, he’s still likely going to play like one of the best three-point shooters of all time (and the franchise’s leading scorer).
Blazers fans should remember the 2018 first round playoff series versus the New Orleans Pelicans (even if they don’t want to). The higher seeded Blazers were swept in four games, in large part because of famous “Dame Stopper” and defensive specialist Jrue Holiday. Well, Jrue is running it back with the Blazers this year, so it’s actually impossible for him to stop Dame since they’re on the same team (unless something really bizarre happens). Fans should also expect another production jump from former third overall pick, and now reserve point guard, Scoot Henderson, who showed some real flashes of raw talent and athleticism down the stretch of last season. Then mix in the resigning of fan-favorite, backup center Robert “Timelord” Williams III, whose brand of twitchy, switchable defense will be sorely needed for this team to work. This should be among the most talented Blazer rosters of the past decade.
Weaknesses
Since the end of last season, the Blazers have gotten shorter, older, and worse at defense (much worse). While Lebron James joining the Philadelphia 76ers may be the biggest move of the offseason, the Blazers trading Jerami Grant (bye-bye Kris Murray too, I guess) for Ja Morant is probably second. Let’s not spill ink with stupid ass racist moaning about “off the court issues.” Legal guns and strip clubs are a-ok here in Portland. Mostly the trade is weird because of regular on-the-court basketball problems: Ja and Dame essentially playing the same role, offensive engines that are short (by NBA athlete standards), and being REALLY bad at defense. Teams can really only afford to play one of those at a time without suffering big time in the defensive half of the game. Splitting up their minutes seems unlikely; as how could you not start and end games with the franchise legend and two highest paid players on the team? It’s a sequel nobody really asked for, having just seen the Dame and CJ McCollum pairing reach its limits—but hey, at least CJ could shoot! Not to mention this likely means less minutes between the still-developing Scoot Henderson and all around good player, Jrue Holiday. The Blazers are ultimately unbalanced with too many talented ball handlers, while still lacking versatile big men and wings that shoot AND play defense.
Opportunities
Sure, half the team being under 6’ 5″ might be a “weakness”—but have you seen Ja Morant play basketball?! From 2020-2023 he may have been the most fun player to watch in the league (no need to look up stats from more recent seasons, the vibes were just off). Ja got to the rim and set up teammates with ease, he threw down swaggy dunks, he made spicy memes critiquing the police in much the same way as sitting Portland city councilors, he partook in a little nightlife, and NBA bores officials fined him for silly on-court celebrations. Apparently he also likes fishing and e-bikes. Ja might fit perfectly in Portland. His top end talent could significantly raise Portland’s ceiling, and if he can get back to the early 20s era of Ja, he’d be the only MVP-caliber player alongside Dame (at least while he’s been a Blazer).
Threats
We’re back to our ol’ sport Tommy D, whose private equity/DOGE-style approach to cost-cutting moves resulted in not letting two-way players travel to the first away playoff games, no T-shirts for fans at home playoff games, letting beloved commentating legend Kevin Calabro leave for the Timberwolves for no reason, and the firing of 70 team staff members seemingly by looking at salaries on a spreadsheet and cutting off the top half with the most experience. While Dundon supporters (dubbed “Business Understanders” by Blazer fan @pdxbrocialite) loudly argue that none of those decisions are related to the basketball on the court, my response is two-fold: First, does that boot taste rubbery or is it made of leather? And second, the NBA is a league where the players hold significant power and sway, unlike an Eastern European child labor exploitation mill. (Note: Dundon does not own a child labor exploitation mill, however he does own an NHL team. Make of that what you will.) While Portland isn’t exactly a destination market for 20-something NBA players, the quality of life staff (PR staff, player assistants, massage therapists, etc.) make a huge difference for keeping guys happy. Especially when we’re talking about the people who take care of frequently/recently injured anchor pieces like Dame, Timelord, and Ja. People remember how you treat them.
This brings us to the Blazers new coach, Micah Nori. By all accounts he’s a well-respected “ball knower,” that might just work out in Portland. However, the process resulted in interim head coach, Tiago Splitter, who just led the Blazers to the playoffs for the first time in five years, leaving for windier pastures in Chicago. And it was all so Dundon could orchestrate a one-year contract so disrespectful that the NBA coach’s union (yes, that exists) called it a “slap in the face.” Sure all this penny pinching might not “hurt” the Blazers on the court this year, but please stop all delusions that it could actually “help.” It can’t. If you think it can, I’ve got a great deal on a pile of NFT Apes to sell you for pennies on the dollar. Any Blazers successes will be 100 percent despite the current ownership, who all but tells us that he doesn’t want to be here, and pretty much resents everything about our city.
Nevertheless—Go Zers! Here’s to winning championship number two and the opportunity to share in the customary boo-ing of ownership as they parade down Broadway.
The Blazers opening home game against the Phoenix Suns is Wednesday, October 21 at 7 pm the Moda Center. Tickets here, and the full season schedule here.
